No Fear Shakespeare: The Comedy of Errors: Act 3 Scene 1

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The Comedy of Errors

William Shakespeare

Original Text

Modern Text

Original Text

Modern Text

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Original Text	Modern Text
Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS , DROMIO OF EPHESUS , ANGELO , and BALTHASAR	Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS , DROMIO OF EPHESUS , ANGELO , and BALTHASAR
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all; My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours. Say that I lingered with you at your shop To see the making of her carcanet, 5 And that tomorrow you will bring it home. But here’s a villain that would face me down He met me on the mart, and that I beat him And charged him with a thousand marks in gold, And that I did deny my wife and house.— 10 Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?	ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all; My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours. Say that I lingered with you at your shop To see the making of her carcanet, And that tomorrow you will bring it home. But here’s a villain that would face me down He met me on the mart, and that I beat him And charged him with a thousand marks in gold, And that I did deny my wife and house.— Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know. That you beat me at the mart I have your hand to show; If the skin were parchment and the blows you gave were ink, Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.	DROMIO OF EPHESUS Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know. That you beat me at the mart I have your hand to show; If the skin were parchment and the blows you gave were ink, Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 15 I think thou art an ass.	ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS I think thou art an ass.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS Marry, so it doth appear By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear. I should kick being kicked; and, being at that pass, You would keep from my heels and beware of an ass.	DROMIO OF EPHESUS Marry, so it doth appear By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear. I should kick being kicked; and, being at that pass, You would keep from my heels and beware of an ass.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS You’re sad, Signior Balthasar. Pray God our cheer 20 May answer my good will and your good welcome here.	ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS You’re sad, Signior Balthasar. Pray God our cheer May answer my good will and your good welcome here.
BALTHASAR I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome dear.	BALTHASAR I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome dear.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS O Signior Balthasar, either at flesh or fish A table full of welcome make scarce one dainty dish.	ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS O Signior Balthasar, either at flesh or fish A table full of welcome make scarce one dainty dish.
BALTHASAR Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords.	BALTHASAR Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 25 And welcome more common, for that’s nothing but words.	ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS And welcome more common, for that’s nothing but words.
BALTHASAR Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.	BALTHASAR Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Ay, to a niggardly host and more sparing guest. But though my cates be mean, take them in good part. Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart. 30 But soft! My door is lock’d. (to DROMIO) Go, bid them let us in.	ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Ay, to a niggardly host and more sparing guest. But though my cates be mean, take them in good part. Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart. But soft! My door is lock’d. (to DROMIO) Go, bid them let us in.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS Maud, Bridget, Marian, Ciceley, Gillian, Ginn!	DROMIO OF EPHESUS Maud, Bridget, Marian, Ciceley, Gillian, Ginn!
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within) Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch! Either get thee from the door or sit down at the hatch. Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call’st for such store When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door.	DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within) Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch! Either get thee from the door or sit down at the hatch. Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call’st for such store When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS What patch is made our porter? My master stays in the street.	DROMIO OF EPHESUS What patch is made our porter? My master stays in the street.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within) Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold on ’s feet.	DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within) Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold on ’s feet.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 40 Who talks within there? Ho, open the door.	ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Who talks within there? Ho, open the door.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within) Right, sir, I’ll tell you when an you tell me wherefore.	DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within) Right, sir, I’ll tell you when an you tell me wherefore.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Wherefore? For my dinner. I have not dined today.	ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Wherefore? For my dinner. I have not dined today.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within) Nor today here you must not. Come again when you may.	DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within) Nor today here you must not. Come again when you may.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS What art thou that keep’st me out from the house I owe?	ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS What art thou that keep’st me out from the house I owe?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within) The porter for this time, sir, and my name is Dromio.	DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within) The porter for this time, sir, and my name is Dromio.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS O villain, thou hast stolen both mine office and my name! The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle blame. If thou hadst been Dromio today in my place, Thou wouldst have changed thy face for a name, or thy name for an ass.	DROMIO OF EPHESUS O villain, thou hast stolen both mine office and my name! The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle blame. If thou hadst been Dromio today in my place, Thou wouldst have changed thy face for a name, or thy name for an ass.
LUCE (within) What a coil is there, Dromio! Who are those at the gate?	LUCE (within) What a coil is there, Dromio! Who are those at the gate?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS Let my master in, Luce.	DROMIO OF EPHESUS Let my master in, Luce.
LUCE (within) Faith, no, he comes too late, And so tell your master.	LUCE (within) Faith, no, he comes too late, And so tell your master.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS O Lord, I must laugh. Have at you with a proverb: shall I set in my staff?	DROMIO OF EPHESUS O Lord, I must laugh. Have at you with a proverb: shall I set in my staff?
LUCE (within) Have at you with another: that’s—When, can you tell?	LUCE (within) Have at you with another: that’s—When, can you tell?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within) If thy name be called “Luce,” Luce, thou hast answered him well.	DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within) If thy name be called “Luce,” Luce, thou hast answered him well.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Do you hear, you minion? You’ll let us in, I hope?	ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Do you hear, you minion? You’ll let us in, I hope?
LUCE (within) I thought to have asked you.	LUCE (within) I thought to have asked you.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within) And you said no.	DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within) And you said no.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS 60 So, come, help. Well struck! There was blow for blow.	DROMIO OF EPHESUS So, come, help. Well struck! There was blow for blow.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Thou baggage, let me in.	ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Thou baggage, let me in.
LUCE (within) Can you tell for whose sake?	LUCE (within) Can you tell for whose sake?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS Master, knock the door hard.	DROMIO OF EPHESUS Master, knock the door hard.
LUCE (within) Let him knock till it ache.	LUCE (within) Let him knock till it ache.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS You’ll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down.	ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS You’ll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down.
LUCE (within) What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town?	LUCE (within) What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town?
ADRIANA (within) Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise?	ADRIANA (within) Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within) By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly boys.	DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within) By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly boys.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Are you there, wife? You might have come before.	ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Are you there, wife? You might have come before.
ADRIANA (within) Your wife, sir knave? Go, get you from the door.	ADRIANA (within) Your wife, sir knave? Go, get you from the door.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS If you went in pain, master, this knave would go sore.	DROMIO OF EPHESUS If you went in pain, master, this knave would go sore.
ANGELO 70 Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome. We would fain have either.	ANGELO Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome. We would fain have either.
BALTHASAR In debating which was best, we shall part with neither.	BALTHASAR In debating which was best, we shall part with neither.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS They stand at the door, master. Bid them welcome hither.	DROMIO OF EPHESUS They stand at the door, master. Bid them welcome hither.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in.	ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS You would say so, master, if your garments were thin. 75 Your cake there is warm within; you stand here in the cold. It would make a man mad as a buck to be so bought and sold.	DROMIO OF EPHESUS You would say so, master, if your garments were thin. Your cake there is warm within; you stand here in the cold. It would make a man mad as a buck to be so bought and sold.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Go, fetch me something: I’ll break ope the gate.	ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Go, fetch me something: I’ll break ope the gate.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within) Break any breaking here, and I’ll break your knave’s pate.	DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within) Break any breaking here, and I’ll break your knave’s pate.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS A man may break a word with you, sir, and words are but wind, Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind.	DROMIO OF EPHESUS A man may break a word with you, sir, and words are but wind, Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within) It seems thou want’st breaking. Out upon thee, hind!	DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within) It seems thou want’st breaking. Out upon thee, hind!
DROMIO OF EPHESUS Here’s too much “out upon thee!” I pray thee, let me in.	DROMIO OF EPHESUS Here’s too much “out upon thee!” I pray thee, let me in.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within) Ay, when fowls have no feathers and fish have no fin.	DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (within) Ay, when fowls have no feathers and fish have no fin.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Well, I’ll break in. Go, borrow me a crow.	ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Well, I’ll break in. Go, borrow me a crow.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS A crow without feather? Master, mean you so? For a fish without a fin, there’s a fowl without a feather.— (to DROMIO OF SYRACUSE) If a crow help us in, sirrah, we’ll pluck a crow together.	DROMIO OF EPHESUS A crow without feather? Master, mean you so? For a fish without a fin, there’s a fowl without a feather.— (to DROMIO OF SYRACUSE) If a crow help us in, sirrah, we’ll pluck a crow together.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 90 Go, get thee gone. Fetch me an iron crow.	ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Go, get thee gone. Fetch me an iron crow.
BALTHASAR Have patience, sir. O, let it not be so. Herein you war against your reputation, And draw within the compass of suspect Th' unviolated honor of your wife. 95 Once this: your long experience of her wisdom, Her sober virtue, years, and modesty Plead on her part some cause to you unknown. And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse Why at this time the doors are made against you. 100 Be ruled by me; depart in patience, And let us to the Tiger all to dinner, And about evening come yourself alone To know the reason of this strange restraint. If by strong hand you offer to break in 105 Now in the stirring passage of the day, A vulgar comment will be made of it; And that supposèd by the common rout Against your yet ungallèd estimation That may with foul intrusion enter in 110 And dwell upon your grave when you are dead; For slander lives upon succession, Forever housèd where it gets possession.	BALTHASAR Have patience, sir. O, let it not be so. Herein you war against your reputation, And draw within the compass of suspect Th' unviolated honor of your wife. Once this: your long experience of her wisdom, Her sober virtue, years, and modesty Plead on her part some cause to you unknown. And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse Why at this time the doors are made against you. Be ruled by me; depart in patience, And let us to the Tiger all to dinner, And about evening come yourself alone To know the reason of this strange restraint. If by strong hand you offer to break in Now in the stirring passage of the day, A vulgar comment will be made of it; And that supposèd by the common rout Against your yet ungallèd estimation That may with foul intrusion enter in And dwell upon your grave when you are dead; For slander lives upon succession, Forever housèd where it gets possession.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS You have prevailed. I will depart in quiet And, in despite of mirth, mean to be merry. 115 I know a wench of excellent discourse, Pretty and witty, wild and yet, too, gentle. There will we dine. This woman that I mean, My wife—but, I protest, without desert— Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal; 120 To her will we to dinner. (to ANGELO) Get you home And fetch the chain; by this I know ’tis made. Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine, For there’s the house. That chain will I bestow— Be it for nothing but to spite my wife— 125 Upon mine hostess there. Good sir, make haste. Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me, I’ll knock elsewhere, to see if they’ll disdain me.	ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS You have prevailed. I will depart in quiet And, in despite of mirth, mean to be merry. I know a wench of excellent discourse, Pretty and witty, wild and yet, too, gentle. There will we dine. This woman that I mean, My wife—but, I protest, without desert— Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal; To her will we to dinner. (to ANGELO) Get you home And fetch the chain; by this I know ’tis made. Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine, For there’s the house. That chain will I bestow— Be it for nothing but to spite my wife— Upon mine hostess there. Good sir, make haste. Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me, I’ll knock elsewhere, to see if they’ll disdain me.
ANGELO I’ll meet you at that place some hour hence.	ANGELO I’ll meet you at that place some hour hence.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Do so. This jest shall cost me some expense.	ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Do so. This jest shall cost me some expense.
Exeunt	Exeunt