No Fear Shakespeare: Troilus and Cressida: Act 2 Scene 1

Continue reading with a SparkNotes PLUS trial

Already have an account? Log in

Original Text	Modern Text
Enter AJAX and THERSITES.	Enter AJAX and THERSITES.
AJAX Thersites!	AJAX Thersites!
THERSITES Agamemnon—how if he had boils, full, all over, generally?	THERSITES Agamemnon—how if he had boils, full, all over, generally?
AJAX Thersites!	AJAX Thersites!
THERSITES 5 And those boils did run? Say so. Did not the general run, then? Were not that a botchy core?	THERSITES And those boils did run? Say so. Did not the general run, then? Were not that a botchy core?
AJAX Dog!	AJAX Dog!
THERSITES Then there would come some matter from him. I see none now.	THERSITES Then there would come some matter from him. I see none now.
AJAX 10 Thou bitchwolf’s son, canst thou not hear? Feel, then.	AJAX Thou bitchwolf’s son, canst thou not hear? Feel, then.
Strikes him.	Strikes him.
THERSITES The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mongrel beef-witted lord!	THERSITES The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mongrel beef-witted lord!
AJAX Speak, then, thou unsalted leaven, speak. I will 15 beat thee into handsomeness.	AJAX Speak, then, thou unsalted leaven, speak. I will beat thee into handsomeness.
THERSITES I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holiness, but I think thy horse will sooner con an oration than thou learn a prayer without book. Thou canst strike, canst thou? A red murrain o’ thy jade’s tricks. 20 Toadstool, learn me the proclamation. Dost thou think I have no sense, thou strikest me thus?	THERSITES I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holiness, but I think thy horse will sooner con an oration than thou learn a prayer without book. Thou canst strike, canst thou? A red murrain o’ thy jade’s tricks. Toadstool, learn me the proclamation. Dost thou think I have no sense, thou strikest me thus?
AJAX The proclamation!	AJAX The proclamation!
THERSITES Thou art proclaimed a fool, I think.	THERSITES Thou art proclaimed a fool, I think.
AJAX 25 Do not, porpentine, do not. My fingers itch.	AJAX Do not, porpentine, do not. My fingers itch.
THERSITES I would thou didst itch from head to foot, and I had the scratching of thee; I would make thee the loathsomest scab in Greece. When thou art forth in the incursions, thou strikest as slow as 30 another.	THERSITES I would thou didst itch from head to foot, and I had the scratching of thee; I would make thee the loathsomest scab in Greece. When thou art forth in the incursions, thou strikest as slow as another.
AJAX I say, the proclamation!	AJAX I say, the proclamation!
THERSITES Thou grumblest and railest every hour on Achilles, and thou art as full of envy at his greatness as Cerberus is at Proserpina’s beauty, ay, that 35 thou bark’st at him.	THERSITES Thou grumblest and railest every hour on Achilles, and thou art as full of envy at his greatness as Cerberus is at Proserpina’s beauty, ay, that thou bark’st at him.
AJAX Mistress Thersites!	AJAX Mistress Thersites!
THERSITES Thou shouldst strike him—	THERSITES Thou shouldst strike him—
AJAX Cobloaf!	AJAX Cobloaf!
THERSITES He would pound thee into shivers with his 40 fist as a sailor breaks a biscuit.	THERSITES He would pound thee into shivers with his fist as a sailor breaks a biscuit.
AJAX You whoreson cur!	AJAX You whoreson cur!
Strikes him.	Strikes him.
THERSITES Do, do.	THERSITES Do, do.
AJAX Thou stool for a witch!	AJAX Thou stool for a witch!
THERSITES Ay, do, do, thou sodden-witted lord. Thou 45 hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows; an asinego may tutor thee, thou scurvy-valiant ass. Thou art here but to thrash Trojans, and thou art bought and sold among those of any wit, like a barbarian slave. If thou use to beat me, I will begin 50 at thy heel and tell what thou art by inches, thou thing of no bowels, thou.	THERSITES Ay, do, do, thou sodden-witted lord. Thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows; an asinego may tutor thee, thou scurvy-valiant ass. Thou art here but to thrash Trojans, and thou art bought and sold among those of any wit, like a barbarian slave. If thou use to beat me, I will begin at thy heel and tell what thou art by inches, thou thing of no bowels, thou.
AJAX You dog!	AJAX You dog!
THERSITES You scurvy lord!	THERSITES You scurvy lord!
AJAX You cur!	AJAX You cur!
Strikes him.	Strikes him.
THERSITES 55 Mars his idiot! Do, rudeness, do, camel, do, do.	THERSITES Mars his idiot! Do, rudeness, do, camel, do, do.
Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS.	Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS.
ACHILLES Why, how now, Ajax? Wherefore do you thus?—How now, Thersites? What’s the matter, man?	ACHILLES Why, how now, Ajax? Wherefore do you thus?—How now, Thersites? What’s the matter, man?
THERSITES 60 You see him there, do you?	THERSITES You see him there, do you?
ACHILLES Ay, what’s the matter?	ACHILLES Ay, what’s the matter?
THERSITES Nay, look upon him.	THERSITES Nay, look upon him.
ACHILLES So I do. What’s the matter?	ACHILLES So I do. What’s the matter?
THERSITES Nay, but regard him well.	THERSITES Nay, but regard him well.
ACHILLES 65 Well, why, so I do.	ACHILLES Well, why, so I do.
THERSITES But yet you look not well upon him, for whosomever you take him to be, he is Ajax.	THERSITES But yet you look not well upon him, for whosomever you take him to be, he is Ajax.
ACHILLES I know that, fool.	ACHILLES I know that, fool.
THERSITES Ay, but that fool knows not himself.	THERSITES Ay, but that fool knows not himself.
AJAX 70 Therefore I beat thee.	AJAX Therefore I beat thee.
THERSITES Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he utters! His evasions have ears thus long. I have bobbed his brain more than he has beat my bones. I will buy nine sparrows for a penny, and his pia 75 mater is not worth the ninth part of a sparrow. This lord, Achilles—Ajax, who wears his wit in his belly, and his guts in his head— I’ll tell you what I say of him.	THERSITES Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he utters! His evasions have ears thus long. I have bobbed his brain more than he has beat my bones. I will buy nine sparrows for a penny, and his pia mater is not worth the ninth part of a sparrow. This lord, Achilles—Ajax, who wears his wit in his belly, and his guts in his head— I’ll tell you what I say of him.
ACHILLES What?	ACHILLES What?
THERSITES 80 I say, this Ajax—	THERSITES I say, this Ajax—
AJAX menaces him.	AJAX menaces him.
ACHILLES Nay, good Ajax.	ACHILLES Nay, good Ajax.
THERSITES Has not so much wit—	THERSITES Has not so much wit—
ACHILLES , to AJAX Nay, I must hold you.	ACHILLES , to AJAX Nay, I must hold you.
THERSITES As will stop the eye of Helen’s needle, for 85 whom he comes to fight.	THERSITES As will stop the eye of Helen’s needle, for whom he comes to fight.
ACHILLES Peace, fool!	ACHILLES Peace, fool!
THERSITES I would have peace and quietness, but the fool will not—he there, that he. Look you there.	THERSITES I would have peace and quietness, but the fool will not—he there, that he. Look you there.
AJAX O, thou damned cur, I shall—	AJAX O, thou damned cur, I shall—
ACHILLES 90 Will you set your wit to a fool’s?	ACHILLES Will you set your wit to a fool’s?
THERSITES No, I warrant you. The fool’s will shame it.	THERSITES No, I warrant you. The fool’s will shame it.
PATROCLUS Good words, Thersites.	PATROCLUS Good words, Thersites.
ACHILLES , to AJAX What’s the quarrel?	ACHILLES , to AJAX What’s the quarrel?
AJAX I bade the vile owl go learn me the tenor of the 95 proclamation, and he rails upon me.	AJAX I bade the vile owl go learn me the tenor of the proclamation, and he rails upon me.
THERSITES I serve thee not.	THERSITES I serve thee not.
AJAX Well, go to, go to.	AJAX Well, go to, go to.
THERSITES I serve here voluntary.	THERSITES I serve here voluntary.
ACHILLES Your last service was suff’rance; ’twas not 100 voluntary. No man is beaten voluntary. Ajax was here the voluntary, and you as under an impress.	ACHILLES Your last service was suff’rance; ’twas not voluntary. No man is beaten voluntary. Ajax was here the voluntary, and you as under an impress.
THERSITES E’en so. A great deal of your wit, too, lies in your sinews, or else there be liars. Hector shall have a great catch an he knock out either of 105 your brains; he were as good crack a fusty nut with no kernel.	THERSITES E’en so. A great deal of your wit, too, lies in your sinews, or else there be liars. Hector shall have a great catch an he knock out either of your brains; he were as good crack a fusty nut with no kernel.
ACHILLES What, with me too, Thersites?	ACHILLES What, with me too, Thersites?
THERSITES There’s Ulysses and old Nestor—whose wit was moldy ere your grandsires had nails on 110 their toes —yoke you like draft-oxen and make you plow up the wars.	THERSITES There’s Ulysses and old Nestor—whose wit was moldy ere your grandsires had nails on their toes —yoke you like draft-oxen and make you plow up the wars.
ACHILLES What? What?	ACHILLES What? What?
THERSITES Yes, good sooth. To, Achilles! To, Ajax! To—	THERSITES Yes, good sooth. To, Achilles! To, Ajax! To—
AJAX I shall cut out your tongue.	AJAX I shall cut out your tongue.
THERSITES 115 ’Tis no matter. I shall speak as much as thou afterwards.	THERSITES ’Tis no matter. I shall speak as much as thou afterwards.
PATROCLUS No more words, Thersites. Peace.	PATROCLUS No more words, Thersites. Peace.
THERSITES I will hold my peace when Achilles’ brach bids me, shall I?	THERSITES I will hold my peace when Achilles’ brach bids me, shall I?
ACHILLES 120 There’s for you, Patroclus.	ACHILLES There’s for you, Patroclus.
THERSITES I will see you hanged like clodpolls ere I come any more to your tents. I will keep where there is wit stirring and leave the faction of fools.	THERSITES I will see you hanged like clodpolls ere I come any more to your tents. I will keep where there is wit stirring and leave the faction of fools.
He exits.	He exits.
PATROCLUS A good riddance.	PATROCLUS A good riddance.
ACHILLES , to AJAX 125 Marry, this, sir, is proclaimed through all our host: That Hector, by the fifth hour of the sun, Will with a trumpet ’twixt our tents and Troy Tomorrow morning call some knight to arms That hath a stomach, and such a one that dare 130 Maintain—I know not what; ’tis trash. Farewell.	ACHILLES , to AJAX Marry, this, sir, is proclaimed through all our host: That Hector, by the fifth hour of the sun, Will with a trumpet ’twixt our tents and Troy Tomorrow morning call some knight to arms That hath a stomach, and such a one that dare Maintain—I know not what; ’tis trash. Farewell.
AJAX Farewell. Who shall answer him?	AJAX Farewell. Who shall answer him?
ACHILLES I know not. ’Tis put to lott’ry. Otherwise, He knew his man.	ACHILLES I know not. ’Tis put to lott’ry. Otherwise, He knew his man.
ACHILLES and PATROCLUS exit.	ACHILLES and PATROCLUS exit.
AJAX O, meaning you? I will go learn more of it.	AJAX O, meaning you? I will go learn more of it.
He exits .	He exits .

Original Text	Modern Text
Enter AJAX and THERSITES.	Enter AJAX and THERSITES.
AJAX Thersites!	AJAX Thersites!
THERSITES Agamemnon—how if he had boils, full, all over, generally?	THERSITES Agamemnon—how if he had boils, full, all over, generally?
AJAX Thersites!	AJAX Thersites!
THERSITES 5 And those boils did run? Say so. Did not the general run, then? Were not that a botchy core?	THERSITES And those boils did run? Say so. Did not the general run, then? Were not that a botchy core?
AJAX Dog!	AJAX Dog!
THERSITES Then there would come some matter from him. I see none now.	THERSITES Then there would come some matter from him. I see none now.
AJAX 10 Thou bitchwolf’s son, canst thou not hear? Feel, then.	AJAX Thou bitchwolf’s son, canst thou not hear? Feel, then.
Strikes him.	Strikes him.
THERSITES The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mongrel beef-witted lord!	THERSITES The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mongrel beef-witted lord!
AJAX Speak, then, thou unsalted leaven, speak. I will 15 beat thee into handsomeness.	AJAX Speak, then, thou unsalted leaven, speak. I will beat thee into handsomeness.
THERSITES I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holiness, but I think thy horse will sooner con an oration than thou learn a prayer without book. Thou canst strike, canst thou? A red murrain o’ thy jade’s tricks. 20 Toadstool, learn me the proclamation. Dost thou think I have no sense, thou strikest me thus?	THERSITES I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holiness, but I think thy horse will sooner con an oration than thou learn a prayer without book. Thou canst strike, canst thou? A red murrain o’ thy jade’s tricks. Toadstool, learn me the proclamation. Dost thou think I have no sense, thou strikest me thus?
AJAX The proclamation!	AJAX The proclamation!
THERSITES Thou art proclaimed a fool, I think.	THERSITES Thou art proclaimed a fool, I think.
AJAX 25 Do not, porpentine, do not. My fingers itch.	AJAX Do not, porpentine, do not. My fingers itch.
THERSITES I would thou didst itch from head to foot, and I had the scratching of thee; I would make thee the loathsomest scab in Greece. When thou art forth in the incursions, thou strikest as slow as 30 another.	THERSITES I would thou didst itch from head to foot, and I had the scratching of thee; I would make thee the loathsomest scab in Greece. When thou art forth in the incursions, thou strikest as slow as another.
AJAX I say, the proclamation!	AJAX I say, the proclamation!
THERSITES Thou grumblest and railest every hour on Achilles, and thou art as full of envy at his greatness as Cerberus is at Proserpina’s beauty, ay, that 35 thou bark’st at him.	THERSITES Thou grumblest and railest every hour on Achilles, and thou art as full of envy at his greatness as Cerberus is at Proserpina’s beauty, ay, that thou bark’st at him.
AJAX Mistress Thersites!	AJAX Mistress Thersites!
THERSITES Thou shouldst strike him—	THERSITES Thou shouldst strike him—
AJAX Cobloaf!	AJAX Cobloaf!
THERSITES He would pound thee into shivers with his 40 fist as a sailor breaks a biscuit.	THERSITES He would pound thee into shivers with his fist as a sailor breaks a biscuit.
AJAX You whoreson cur!	AJAX You whoreson cur!
Strikes him.	Strikes him.
THERSITES Do, do.	THERSITES Do, do.
AJAX Thou stool for a witch!	AJAX Thou stool for a witch!
THERSITES Ay, do, do, thou sodden-witted lord. Thou 45 hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows; an asinego may tutor thee, thou scurvy-valiant ass. Thou art here but to thrash Trojans, and thou art bought and sold among those of any wit, like a barbarian slave. If thou use to beat me, I will begin 50 at thy heel and tell what thou art by inches, thou thing of no bowels, thou.	THERSITES Ay, do, do, thou sodden-witted lord. Thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows; an asinego may tutor thee, thou scurvy-valiant ass. Thou art here but to thrash Trojans, and thou art bought and sold among those of any wit, like a barbarian slave. If thou use to beat me, I will begin at thy heel and tell what thou art by inches, thou thing of no bowels, thou.
AJAX You dog!	AJAX You dog!
THERSITES You scurvy lord!	THERSITES You scurvy lord!
AJAX You cur!	AJAX You cur!
Strikes him.	Strikes him.
THERSITES 55 Mars his idiot! Do, rudeness, do, camel, do, do.	THERSITES Mars his idiot! Do, rudeness, do, camel, do, do.
Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS.	Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS.
ACHILLES Why, how now, Ajax? Wherefore do you thus?—How now, Thersites? What’s the matter, man?	ACHILLES Why, how now, Ajax? Wherefore do you thus?—How now, Thersites? What’s the matter, man?
THERSITES 60 You see him there, do you?	THERSITES You see him there, do you?
ACHILLES Ay, what’s the matter?	ACHILLES Ay, what’s the matter?
THERSITES Nay, look upon him.	THERSITES Nay, look upon him.
ACHILLES So I do. What’s the matter?	ACHILLES So I do. What’s the matter?
THERSITES Nay, but regard him well.	THERSITES Nay, but regard him well.
ACHILLES 65 Well, why, so I do.	ACHILLES Well, why, so I do.
THERSITES But yet you look not well upon him, for whosomever you take him to be, he is Ajax.	THERSITES But yet you look not well upon him, for whosomever you take him to be, he is Ajax.
ACHILLES I know that, fool.	ACHILLES I know that, fool.
THERSITES Ay, but that fool knows not himself.	THERSITES Ay, but that fool knows not himself.
AJAX 70 Therefore I beat thee.	AJAX Therefore I beat thee.
THERSITES Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he utters! His evasions have ears thus long. I have bobbed his brain more than he has beat my bones. I will buy nine sparrows for a penny, and his pia 75 mater is not worth the ninth part of a sparrow. This lord, Achilles—Ajax, who wears his wit in his belly, and his guts in his head— I’ll tell you what I say of him.	THERSITES Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he utters! His evasions have ears thus long. I have bobbed his brain more than he has beat my bones. I will buy nine sparrows for a penny, and his pia mater is not worth the ninth part of a sparrow. This lord, Achilles—Ajax, who wears his wit in his belly, and his guts in his head— I’ll tell you what I say of him.
ACHILLES What?	ACHILLES What?
THERSITES 80 I say, this Ajax—	THERSITES I say, this Ajax—
AJAX menaces him.	AJAX menaces him.
ACHILLES Nay, good Ajax.	ACHILLES Nay, good Ajax.
THERSITES Has not so much wit—	THERSITES Has not so much wit—
ACHILLES , to AJAX Nay, I must hold you.	ACHILLES , to AJAX Nay, I must hold you.
THERSITES As will stop the eye of Helen’s needle, for 85 whom he comes to fight.	THERSITES As will stop the eye of Helen’s needle, for whom he comes to fight.
ACHILLES Peace, fool!	ACHILLES Peace, fool!
THERSITES I would have peace and quietness, but the fool will not—he there, that he. Look you there.	THERSITES I would have peace and quietness, but the fool will not—he there, that he. Look you there.
AJAX O, thou damned cur, I shall—	AJAX O, thou damned cur, I shall—
ACHILLES 90 Will you set your wit to a fool’s?	ACHILLES Will you set your wit to a fool’s?
THERSITES No, I warrant you. The fool’s will shame it.	THERSITES No, I warrant you. The fool’s will shame it.
PATROCLUS Good words, Thersites.	PATROCLUS Good words, Thersites.
ACHILLES , to AJAX What’s the quarrel?	ACHILLES , to AJAX What’s the quarrel?
AJAX I bade the vile owl go learn me the tenor of the 95 proclamation, and he rails upon me.	AJAX I bade the vile owl go learn me the tenor of the proclamation, and he rails upon me.
THERSITES I serve thee not.	THERSITES I serve thee not.
AJAX Well, go to, go to.	AJAX Well, go to, go to.
THERSITES I serve here voluntary.	THERSITES I serve here voluntary.
ACHILLES Your last service was suff’rance; ’twas not 100 voluntary. No man is beaten voluntary. Ajax was here the voluntary, and you as under an impress.	ACHILLES Your last service was suff’rance; ’twas not voluntary. No man is beaten voluntary. Ajax was here the voluntary, and you as under an impress.
THERSITES E’en so. A great deal of your wit, too, lies in your sinews, or else there be liars. Hector shall have a great catch an he knock out either of 105 your brains; he were as good crack a fusty nut with no kernel.	THERSITES E’en so. A great deal of your wit, too, lies in your sinews, or else there be liars. Hector shall have a great catch an he knock out either of your brains; he were as good crack a fusty nut with no kernel.
ACHILLES What, with me too, Thersites?	ACHILLES What, with me too, Thersites?
THERSITES There’s Ulysses and old Nestor—whose wit was moldy ere your grandsires had nails on 110 their toes —yoke you like draft-oxen and make you plow up the wars.	THERSITES There’s Ulysses and old Nestor—whose wit was moldy ere your grandsires had nails on their toes —yoke you like draft-oxen and make you plow up the wars.
ACHILLES What? What?	ACHILLES What? What?
THERSITES Yes, good sooth. To, Achilles! To, Ajax! To—	THERSITES Yes, good sooth. To, Achilles! To, Ajax! To—
AJAX I shall cut out your tongue.	AJAX I shall cut out your tongue.
THERSITES 115 ’Tis no matter. I shall speak as much as thou afterwards.	THERSITES ’Tis no matter. I shall speak as much as thou afterwards.
PATROCLUS No more words, Thersites. Peace.	PATROCLUS No more words, Thersites. Peace.
THERSITES I will hold my peace when Achilles’ brach bids me, shall I?	THERSITES I will hold my peace when Achilles’ brach bids me, shall I?
ACHILLES 120 There’s for you, Patroclus.	ACHILLES There’s for you, Patroclus.
THERSITES I will see you hanged like clodpolls ere I come any more to your tents. I will keep where there is wit stirring and leave the faction of fools.	THERSITES I will see you hanged like clodpolls ere I come any more to your tents. I will keep where there is wit stirring and leave the faction of fools.
He exits.	He exits.
PATROCLUS A good riddance.	PATROCLUS A good riddance.
ACHILLES , to AJAX 125 Marry, this, sir, is proclaimed through all our host: That Hector, by the fifth hour of the sun, Will with a trumpet ’twixt our tents and Troy Tomorrow morning call some knight to arms That hath a stomach, and such a one that dare 130 Maintain—I know not what; ’tis trash. Farewell.	ACHILLES , to AJAX Marry, this, sir, is proclaimed through all our host: That Hector, by the fifth hour of the sun, Will with a trumpet ’twixt our tents and Troy Tomorrow morning call some knight to arms That hath a stomach, and such a one that dare Maintain—I know not what; ’tis trash. Farewell.
AJAX Farewell. Who shall answer him?	AJAX Farewell. Who shall answer him?
ACHILLES I know not. ’Tis put to lott’ry. Otherwise, He knew his man.	ACHILLES I know not. ’Tis put to lott’ry. Otherwise, He knew his man.
ACHILLES and PATROCLUS exit.	ACHILLES and PATROCLUS exit.
AJAX O, meaning you? I will go learn more of it.	AJAX O, meaning you? I will go learn more of it.
He exits .	He exits .