No Fear Shakespeare: As You Like It: Act 4 Scene 1

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As You Like It

William Shakespeare

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Original Text	Modern Text
Enter ROSALIND , CELIA , and JAQUES	Enter ROSALIND , CELIA , and JAQUES
JAQUES I prithee, pretty youth, let me be better acquainted with thee.	JAQUES I prithee, pretty youth, let me be better acquainted with thee.
ROSALIND They say you are a melancholy fellow.	ROSALIND They say you are a melancholy fellow.
JAQUES I am so. I do love it better than laughing.	JAQUES I am so. I do love it better than laughing.
ROSALIND Those that are in extremity of either are abominable fellows and betray themselves to every modern censure worse than drunkards.	ROSALIND Those that are in extremity of either are abominable fellows and betray themselves to every modern censure worse than drunkards.
JAQUES Why, ’tis good to be sad and say nothing.	JAQUES Why, ’tis good to be sad and say nothing.
ROSALIND Why then, ’tis good to be a post.	ROSALIND Why then, ’tis good to be a post.
JAQUES I have neither the scholar’s melancholy, which is emulation; nor the musician’s, which is fantastical; nor the courtier’s, which is proud; nor the soldier’s, which is ambitious; nor the lawyer’s, which is politic; nor the lady’s, which is nice; nor the lover’s, which is all these, but it is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness.	JAQUES I have neither the scholar’s melancholy, which is emulation; nor the musician’s, which is fantastical; nor the courtier’s, which is proud; nor the soldier’s, which is ambitious; nor the lawyer’s, which is politic; nor the lady’s, which is nice; nor the lover’s, which is all these, but it is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness.
ROSALIND A traveler. By my faith, you have great reason to be sad. I fear you have sold your own lands to see other men’s. Then to have seen much and to have nothing is to have rich eyes and poor hands.	ROSALIND A traveler. By my faith, you have great reason to be sad. I fear you have sold your own lands to see other men’s. Then to have seen much and to have nothing is to have rich eyes and poor hands.
JAQUES Yes, I have gained my experience.	JAQUES Yes, I have gained my experience.
ROSALIND And your experience makes you sad. I had rather have a fool to make me merry than experience to make me sad— and to travel for it, too.	ROSALIND And your experience makes you sad. I had rather have a fool to make me merry than experience to make me sad— and to travel for it, too.
Enter ORLANDO	Enter ORLANDO
ORLANDO Good day and happiness, dear Rosalind.	ORLANDO Good day and happiness, dear Rosalind.
JAQUES Nay then, God be wi' you, an you talk in blank verse.	JAQUES Nay then, God be wi' you, an you talk in blank verse.
ROSALIND Farewell, Monsieur Traveler. Look you lisp and wear strange suits, disable all the benefits of your own country, be out of love with your nativity, and almost chide God for making you that countenance you are, or I will scarce think you have swam in a gondola.	ROSALIND Farewell, Monsieur Traveler. Look you lisp and wear strange suits, disable all the benefits of your own country, be out of love with your nativity, and almost chide God for making you that countenance you are, or I will scarce think you have swam in a gondola.
Exit JAQUES	Exit JAQUES
(as Ganymede pretending to be ROSALIND ) Why, how now, Orlando, where have you been all this while? You a lover? An you serve me such another trick, never come in my sight more.	(as Ganymede pretending to be ROSALIND ) Why, how now, Orlando, where have you been all this while? You a lover? An you serve me such another trick, never come in my sight more.
ORLANDO My fair Rosalind, I come within an hour of my promise.	ORLANDO My fair Rosalind, I come within an hour of my promise.
ROSALIND Break an hour’s promise in love? He that will divide a minute into a thousand parts and break but a part of the thousand part of a minute in the affairs of love, it may be said of him that Cupid hath clapped him o' th' shoulder, but I’ll warrant him heart-whole.	ROSALIND Break an hour’s promise in love? He that will divide a minute into a thousand parts and break but a part of the thousand part of a minute in the affairs of love, it may be said of him that Cupid hath clapped him o' th' shoulder, but I’ll warrant him heart-whole.
ORLANDO Pardon me, dear Rosalind.	ORLANDO Pardon me, dear Rosalind.
ROSALIND Nay, an you be so tardy, come no more in my sight. I had as lief be wooed of a snail.	ROSALIND Nay, an you be so tardy, come no more in my sight. I had as lief be wooed of a snail.
ORLANDO Of a snail?	ORLANDO Of a snail?
ROSALIND Ay, of a snail, for though he comes slowly, he carries his house on his head—a better jointure, I think, than you make a woman. Besides, he brings his destiny with him.	ROSALIND Ay, of a snail, for though he comes slowly, he carries his house on his head—a better jointure, I think, than you make a woman. Besides, he brings his destiny with him.
ORLANDO What’s that?	ORLANDO What’s that?
ROSALIND Why, horns, which such as you are fain to be beholding to your wives for. But he comes armed in his fortune and prevents the slander of his wife.	ROSALIND Why, horns, which such as you are fain to be beholding to your wives for. But he comes armed in his fortune and prevents the slander of his wife.
ORLANDO 55 Virtue is no hornmaker, and my Rosalind is virtuous.	ORLANDO Virtue is no hornmaker, and my Rosalind is virtuous.
ROSALIND And I am your Rosalind.	ROSALIND And I am your Rosalind.
CELIA (as Aliena) It pleases him to call you so, but he hath a Rosalind of a better leer than you.	CELIA (as Aliena) It pleases him to call you so, but he hath a Rosalind of a better leer than you.
ROSALIND Come, woo me, woo me, for now I am in a holiday humor, and like enough to consent. What would you say to me now, an I were your very, very Rosalind?	ROSALIND Come, woo me, woo me, for now I am in a holiday humor, and like enough to consent. What would you say to me now, an I were your very, very Rosalind?
ORLANDO I would kiss before I spoke.	ORLANDO I would kiss before I spoke.
ROSALIND Nay, you were better speak first, and when you were graveled for lack of matter, you might take occasion to kiss. Very good orators, when they are out, they will spit; and for lovers lacking—God warn us—matter, the cleanliest shift is to kiss.	ROSALIND Nay, you were better speak first, and when you were graveled for lack of matter, you might take occasion to kiss. Very good orators, when they are out, they will spit; and for lovers lacking—God warn us—matter, the cleanliest shift is to kiss.
ORLANDO How if the kiss be denied?	ORLANDO How if the kiss be denied?
ROSALIND Then she puts you to entreaty, and there begins new matter.	ROSALIND Then she puts you to entreaty, and there begins new matter.
ORLANDO 70 Who could be out, being before his beloved mistress?	ORLANDO Who could be out, being before his beloved mistress?
ROSALIND Marry, that should you if I were your mistress, or I should think my honesty ranker than my wit.	ROSALIND Marry, that should you if I were your mistress, or I should think my honesty ranker than my wit.
ORLANDO What, of my suit?	ORLANDO What, of my suit?
ROSALIND Not out of your apparel, and yet out of your suit. Am not I your Rosalind?	ROSALIND Not out of your apparel, and yet out of your suit. Am not I your Rosalind?
ORLANDO I take some joy to say you are because I would be talking of her.	ORLANDO I take some joy to say you are because I would be talking of her.
ROSALIND Well, in her person I say I will not have you.	ROSALIND Well, in her person I say I will not have you.
ORLANDO Then, in mine own person I die.	ORLANDO Then, in mine own person I die.
ROSALIND No, faith, die by attorney. The poor world is almost six thousand years old, and in all this time there was not any man died in his own person, videlicet, in a love cause. Troilus had his brains dashed out with a Grecian club, yet he did what he could to die before, and he is one of the patterns of love. Leander, he would have lived many a fair year though Hero had turned nun if it had not been for a hot midsummer night, for, good youth, he went but forth to wash him in the Hellespont and, being taken with the cramp, was drowned; and the foolish chroniclers of that age found it was Hero of Sestos. But these are all lies. Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but not for love.	ROSALIND No, faith, die by attorney. The poor world is almost six thousand years old, and in all this time there was not any man died in his own person, videlicet, in a love cause. Troilus had his brains dashed out with a Grecian club, yet he did what he could to die before, and he is one of the patterns of love. Leander, he would have lived many a fair year though Hero had turned nun if it had not been for a hot midsummer night, for, good youth, he went but forth to wash him in the Hellespont and, being taken with the cramp, was drowned; and the foolish chroniclers of that age found it was Hero of Sestos. But these are all lies. Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but not for love.
ORLANDO I would not have my right Rosalind of this mind, for I protest her frown might kill me.	ORLANDO I would not have my right Rosalind of this mind, for I protest her frown might kill me.
ROSALIND By this hand, it will not kill a fly. But come; now I will be your Rosalind in a more coming-on disposition, and ask me what you will, I will grant it.	ROSALIND By this hand, it will not kill a fly. But come; now I will be your Rosalind in a more coming-on disposition, and ask me what you will, I will grant it.
ORLANDO Then love me, Rosalind.	ORLANDO Then love me, Rosalind.
ROSALIND Yes, faith, will I, Fridays and Saturdays and all.	ROSALIND Yes, faith, will I, Fridays and Saturdays and all.
ORLANDO 100 And wilt thou have me?	ORLANDO And wilt thou have me?
ROSALIND Ay, and twenty such.	ROSALIND Ay, and twenty such.
ORLANDO What sayest thou?	ORLANDO What sayest thou?
ROSALIND Are you not good?	ROSALIND Are you not good?
ORLANDO I hope so.	ORLANDO I hope so.
ROSALIND Why then, can one desire too much of a good thing?— Come, sister, you shall be the priest and marry us.—Give me your hand, Orlando.—What do you say, sister?	ROSALIND Why then, can one desire too much of a good thing?— Come, sister, you shall be the priest and marry us.—Give me your hand, Orlando.—What do you say, sister?
ORLANDO Pray thee, marry us.	ORLANDO Pray thee, marry us.
CELIA I cannot say the words.	CELIA I cannot say the words.
ROSALIND 110 You must begin “Will you, Orlando—”	ROSALIND You must begin “Will you, Orlando—”
CELIA Go to.—Will you, Orlando, have to wife this Rosalind?	CELIA Go to.—Will you, Orlando, have to wife this Rosalind?
ORLANDO I will.	ORLANDO I will.
ROSALIND Ay, but when?	ROSALIND Ay, but when?
ORLANDO Why, now, as fast as she can marry us.	ORLANDO Why, now, as fast as she can marry us.
ROSALIND 115 Then you must say “I take thee, Rosalind, for wife.”	ROSALIND Then you must say “I take thee, Rosalind, for wife.”
ORLANDO I take thee, Rosalind, for wife.	ORLANDO I take thee, Rosalind, for wife.
ROSALIND I might ask you for your commission, but I do take thee, Orlando, for my husband. There’s a girl goes before the priest, and certainly a woman’s thought runs before her actions.	ROSALIND I might ask you for your commission, but I do take thee, Orlando, for my husband. There’s a girl goes before the priest, and certainly a woman’s thought runs before her actions.
ORLANDO So do all thoughts. They are winged.	ORLANDO So do all thoughts. They are winged.
ROSALIND Now tell me how long you would have her after you have possessed her.	ROSALIND Now tell me how long you would have her after you have possessed her.
ORLANDO Forever and a day.	ORLANDO Forever and a day.
ROSALIND Say “a day” without the “ever.” No, no, Orlando, men are April when they woo, December when they wed. Maids are May when they are maids, but the sky changes when they are wives. I will be more jealous of thee than a Barbary cock- pigeon over his hen, more clamorous than a parrot against rain, more newfangled than an ape, more giddy in my desires than a monkey. I will weep for nothing, like Diana in the fountain, and I will do that when you are disposed to be merry. I will laugh like a hyena, and that when thou art inclined to sleep.	ROSALIND Say “a day” without the “ever.” No, no, Orlando, men are April when they woo, December when they wed. Maids are May when they are maids, but the sky changes when they are wives. I will be more jealous of thee than a Barbary cock- pigeon over his hen, more clamorous than a parrot against rain, more newfangled than an ape, more giddy in my desires than a monkey. I will weep for nothing, like Diana in the fountain, and I will do that when you are disposed to be merry. I will laugh like a hyena, and that when thou art inclined to sleep.
ORLANDO 135 But will my Rosalind do so?	ORLANDO But will my Rosalind do so?
ROSALIND By my life, she will do as I do.	ROSALIND By my life, she will do as I do.
ORLANDO Oh, but she is wise.	ORLANDO Oh, but she is wise.
ROSALIND Or else she could not have the wit to do this. The wiser, the waywarder. Make the doors upon a woman’s wit, and it will out at the casement. Shut that, and ’twill out at the keyhole. Stop that, ’twill fly with the smoke out at the chimney.	ROSALIND Or else she could not have the wit to do this. The wiser, the waywarder. Make the doors upon a woman’s wit, and it will out at the casement. Shut that, and ’twill out at the keyhole. Stop that, ’twill fly with the smoke out at the chimney.
ORLANDO A man that had a wife with such a wit, he might say “Wit, whither wilt?”	ORLANDO A man that had a wife with such a wit, he might say “Wit, whither wilt?”
ROSALIND Nay, you might keep that check for it, till you met your wife’s wit going to your neighbor’s bed.	ROSALIND Nay, you might keep that check for it, till you met your wife’s wit going to your neighbor’s bed.
ORLANDO And what wit could wit have to excuse that?	ORLANDO And what wit could wit have to excuse that?
ROSALIND Marry, to say she came to seek you there. You shall never take her without her answer unless you take her without her tongue. Oh, that woman that cannot make her fault her husband’s occasion, let her never nurse her child herself, for she will breed it like a fool.	ROSALIND Marry, to say she came to seek you there. You shall never take her without her answer unless you take her without her tongue. Oh, that woman that cannot make her fault her husband’s occasion, let her never nurse her child herself, for she will breed it like a fool.
ORLANDO For these two hours, Rosalind, I will leave thee.	ORLANDO For these two hours, Rosalind, I will leave thee.
ROSALIND Alas, dear love, I cannot lack thee two hours.	ROSALIND Alas, dear love, I cannot lack thee two hours.
ORLANDO I must attend the duke at dinner. By two o'clock I will be with thee again.	ORLANDO I must attend the duke at dinner. By two o'clock I will be with thee again.
ROSALIND Ay, go your ways, go your ways. I knew what you would prove. My friends told me as much, and I thought no less. That flattering tongue of yours won me. 'Tis but one cast away, and so, come, death. Two o'clock is your hour?	ROSALIND Ay, go your ways, go your ways. I knew what you would prove. My friends told me as much, and I thought no less. That flattering tongue of yours won me. 'Tis but one cast away, and so, come, death. Two o'clock is your hour?
ORLANDO 160 Ay, sweet Rosalind.	ORLANDO Ay, sweet Rosalind.
ROSALIND By my troth, and in good earnest, and so God mend me, and by all pretty oaths that are not dangerous, if you break one jot of your promise or come one minute behind your hour, I will think you the most pathetical break-promise and the most hollow lover and the most unworthy of her you call Rosalind that may be chosen out of the gross band of the unfaithful. Therefore beware my censure, and keep your promise.	ROSALIND By my troth, and in good earnest, and so God mend me, and by all pretty oaths that are not dangerous, if you break one jot of your promise or come one minute behind your hour, I will think you the most pathetical break-promise and the most hollow lover and the most unworthy of her you call Rosalind that may be chosen out of the gross band of the unfaithful. Therefore beware my censure, and keep your promise.
ORLANDO With no less religion than if thou wert indeed my Rosalind. 170 So, adieu.	ORLANDO With no less religion than if thou wert indeed my Rosalind. So, adieu.
ROSALIND Well, time is the old justice that examines all such offenders, and let time try. Adieu.	ROSALIND Well, time is the old justice that examines all such offenders, and let time try. Adieu.
Exit ORLANDO	Exit ORLANDO
CELIA You have simply misused our sex in your love-prate. We must have your doublet and hose plucked over your head and show the world what the bird hath done to her own nest.	CELIA You have simply misused our sex in your love-prate. We must have your doublet and hose plucked over your head and show the world what the bird hath done to her own nest.
ROSALIND O coz, coz, coz, my pretty little coz, that thou didst know how many fathom deep I am in love. But it cannot be sounded; my affection hath an unknown bottom, like the Bay of Portugal.	ROSALIND O coz, coz, coz, my pretty little coz, that thou didst know how many fathom deep I am in love. But it cannot be sounded; my affection hath an unknown bottom, like the Bay of Portugal.
CELIA Or rather bottomless, that as fast as you pour affection in, it runs out.	CELIA Or rather bottomless, that as fast as you pour affection in, it runs out.
ROSALIND No, that same wicked bastard of Venus that was begot of thought, conceived of spleen, and born of madness, that blind rascally boy that abuses everyone’s eyes because his own are out, let him be judge how deep I am in love. I’ll tell thee, Aliena, I cannot be out of the sight of Orlando. I’ll go find a shadow and sigh till he come.	ROSALIND No, that same wicked bastard of Venus that was begot of thought, conceived of spleen, and born of madness, that blind rascally boy that abuses everyone’s eyes because his own are out, let him be judge how deep I am in love. I’ll tell thee, Aliena, I cannot be out of the sight of Orlando. I’ll go find a shadow and sigh till he come.
CELIA And I’ll sleep.	CELIA And I’ll sleep.
Exeunt	Exeunt