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Chapter 1—If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive

Starting with the description of several famous American criminals (Francis Crowley, Al Capone, and Dutch Shultz), Carnegie notes that in interviews and letters, all three claimed to be peaceful and misunderstood, despite being notoriously violent criminals. Such criminals, like most people, do not criticize themselves. He argues that criticism is rarely effective. Using examples from B.F. Skinner’s research in psychology and several political examples from the early-20th century, Carnegie concludes that criticism does not cause people to change their behavior.

Carnegie then uses specific examples from a biography that he wrote about Abraham Lincoln. He argues that Lincoln’s success and popularity were a product of his efforts not to criticize people. In his youth, Lincoln freely criticized people until he was challenged to a duel. He then chose not to be critical of others, despite many occasions where it would have been appropriate. Carnegie even includes a letter that Abraham Lincoln wrote to General Meade after failing to capture General Lee (which possibly would have ended the American Civil War). While the letter is not forceful in its rebuke, Carnegie states that Lincoln never sent it, likely for fear that it would “impair all his further usefulness as a commander.”

At the end of the first chapter, Carnegie cautions against criticizing one’s children. A short work, “Father Forgets,” by W. Livingston Larned is included. It is written from the perspective of a father who is overly-critical of his young son. He goes to the boy’s room at night and expresses regret to his sleeping son. He promises to be a better father and be more understanding. Carnegie closes the chapter stating, “instead of condemning people, try to understand them.” The chapter ends with Principle 1: Don’t Criticize, Condemn or Complain.

Chapter 2—The Big Secret of Dealing with People

In this chapter, Carnegie argues that there is only one effective way to get someone to do something: “making the other person want to do it.” Carnegie explains that all people are motivated by the desire to be important. Carnegie lists items, such as food, sleep, and health that are all standard requirements for most people. The last item on the list is a feeling of importance. Carnegie argues that this is the least likely to be gratified but no less crucial.

Carnegie then describes the idea that people have different ways of gaining their feeling of importance and that it “is the most significant thing about you.” He describes the difference between John D. Rockefeller, who built a hospital in China to care for millions of poor people, and John Dillinger, an early-20th century American gangster who was known as “Public Enemy Number One.” Carnegie even claims that an inability to satisfy one’s need to feel important can drive them insane. He states that half of all insane people have nothing organically wrong with their brain and that within the confines of insanity, people can find a feeling of importance. Carnegie uses further examples of industry magnates Charles Schwab and Andrew Carnegie (not related to the author) and their ability to motivate people through praise.

In the second half of the chapter, Carnegie describes how detrimental it can be for a person to feel a lack of appreciation. Whether from their spouse, parents, or friends, a lack of appreciation can cause resentment. Carnegie does, however, warn against flattery. He defines flattery as insincere and selfish, where appreciation is sincere and unselfish. People will cherish true appreciation, not just people in one’s personal life, but professionals and workers as well. The chapter closes with Carnegie encouraging the reader to figure out the best qualities in others. The chapter ends with Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.

Chapter 3—He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World with Him.  He Who Cannot Walks a Lonely Way

Claiming that the most important key to motivating someone is understanding what that person wants, Carnegie states that the only way to motivate someone is to discuss what that person wants and provide a means to achieve it. He also states that every action a person takes is out of a want or desire. This includes acts of charity. Carnegie argues that people donate to charity because they want the feeling more than they want their money. He offers two anecdotes that demonstrate the need to find what an individual wants. The first involves parents trying to make kindergarten sound exciting for their apprehensive child. The second involves the author, himself, convincing a hotel to limit its price increases, since he generates so much business for them.

In the middle of the chapter, Carnegie analyzes a series of letters. Each letter has been sent to a company with a specific goal or request. Carnegie points out how two of the letters do not immediately address the wants or needs of the recipient and were thus unsuccessful. The third letter does address the goals of the recipients and was very successful. Carnegie offers several more anecdotes about salespeople and how those who are able to “arouse an eager want” in their customers are more successful. To convince someone to buy something, the salesperson must generate interest in the product.

In the last part of the chapter, Carnegie describes parents who were struggling with their son. For each of his problems, the parents figured out how to motivate their son through identifying his wants. He is told that if he ate his dinner as expected, he would be able to fight the bully that regularly bothered him. In another situation, by supplying the boy proper pajamas and letting him choose his own bed to buy, the boy stopped wetting the bed, because “his pride was involved” and he “wanted to act like a man.” The chapter ends with Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want. This is part of the Harry A. Overstreet quote that Carnegie used for the title of the chapter.

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