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From a young age, Lily longs for two things: love and a higher social status. As a girl, she knows she is largely worthless to her parents and so feels undeserving of their love, though she works hard to gain the affection of her mother. For her entire life, this struggle causes Lily to see love as more of a duty than an actual emotion. She only feels Mama loves her when Mama is causing her pain, whether while binding her feet or slapping her for good luck after Madame Wang suggests Lily may marry above her station. This warped view of love then affects Lily’s relationship with Snow Flower. Though Lily and Snow Flower are genuinely close for much of their childhood, Lily feels she must work to gain Snow Flower’s love, just as she did with Mama. Lily then feels betrayed when she discovers the truth about Snow Flower’s family, and takes her anger out on her mother instead of Snow Flower. As Lily and Snow Flower grow older and have children, Lily still views their relationship as a duty more than as one of authentic affection, as she implores Snow Flower to be obedient in order to avoid abuse from her in-laws. Lily’s warped view of love, formed from her mother’s abuse, is what prevents her from experiencing a lasting, loving friendship with Snow Flower.

Upon meeting Snow Flower and learning that she may be able to rise in the ranks of social class, Lily becomes fixated on conventions and norms that will help her marry well. While much of society relies on these norms, it is Lily’s reliance on them that also leads to the downfall of her relationship with Snow Flower. Though Snow Flower endures suffering Lily has never experienced herself, Lily dismisses Snow Flower in the same way she did Third Sister during their footbinding, believing both Snow Flower and Third Sister complained just to get attention. Lily believes that being quiet and obedient can relieve a woman of her suffering. However, as the sworn sisters later tell her, Lily viewed Snow Flower’s worth as a man might, instead of as a woman would. Having been raised knowing her worth lies in her ability to bear sons, Lily could not see another way of thinking. However, Snow Flower’s death teaches Lily the value in any woman’s life, no matter her social stature.

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