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“It’s like sliding over a frozen lake while a shrinking part of me screams that I’m supposed to be swimming in those pieces I’ve bartered away, and those feelings are right beneath the surface, but fuck is skating faster and a hell of a lot less messy.”

Xaden delivers this admission to Violet in Chapter 34, after quest squad lands in Hedotis and Xaden learns that his mother is married to a member of the triumvirate. Xaden is reeling from the betrayal and hurt because his mother abandoned him as a young child and replaced him with a new family. Here, he tells Violet that for once he is happy that turning venin impacts his emotions—he does not want to feel the pain his mother has caused. He offers the above analogy to explain the impact that dark wielding has on his mental and emotional state. He compares his emotions to the water beneath a frozen lake, and states that channeling gives him the ability to easily skate across a barrier instead of actually experiencing his feelings. This passage is essential to the reader’s understanding of the world that Rebecca Yarros has created; it is the first honest look the reader is given in regards to what it's like to become venin. Here, we learn there are “benefits” to channeling beyond an excess of power—becoming venin allows a person to cut themselves off from pain. It’s worth noting, however, that pain is a fundamental part of being human, and Xaden’s ability to cut himself off from pain reinforces both his and Violet’s fears that his humanity is indeed slipping away.

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