Abuse can masquerade as love.

The early pages of Jennette McCurdy’s memoir are full of expressions of love and admiration for “beautiful” Mom, juxtaposed against accounts of Mom controlling every aspect of Jennette’s life, from showering her until the age of 16  to homeschooling her and forcing her into an acting career. When Mom asks if Jennette wants to be “Mommy’s little actress,” Jennette knows that “yes” is the only acceptable answer, despite her unspoken reluctance. As the story unfolds, Jennette consistently interprets Mom’s manipulative behaviors as expressions of love and concern. A key example of this is Mom’s relentless pressure on Jennette to maintain a specific weight in order to be more marketable in the entertainment industry. Jennette internalizes Mom’s expectations and sets off down a path of obsessive calorie restriction, encouraged and instructed by Mom. It is only after Mom’s death, when Jennette is seeking treatment for bulimia, that a therapist helps Jennette see Mom’s controlling behavior for what it really was. Jennette stops her therapy sessions immediately, not yet ready to face the truth, despite her longstanding resentment of Mom. Later, she comes to acknowledge that Mom’s suffocating brand of “love” is a thinly disguised form of child abuse.

The pressure to conform to societal beauty standards is destructive.

In I’m Glad My Mom Died, McCurdy vividly illustrates the destructive nature of societal beauty standards and the pressure to conform to them. From a young age, Jennette is subjected to multiple store-bought beauty treatments, from hair highlighting to teeth whitening to fake tanning, as Mom relentlessly molds her into an ideal of marketable feminine beauty. Mom’s efforts to improve Jennette’s “natural beauty” leave Jennette feeling unattractive and inadequate. Her beauty regime is often uncomfortable and sometimes painful, as hair dye leaks into her eyes and her gums are bleached white by excessive exposure to whitening products. Mom even dresses Jennette provocatively in faux leather skorts and black go-go boots, saying the outfit will help her get acting roles. But most destructive of all is Mom’s pressure on Jennette to be thin. Although Jennette tries to see Mom’s desire to groom her and control her weight as nurturing behavior, in reality Mom is enforcing societal beauty standards in a way that will have dire long-term mental health consequences for Jennette.

Mom’s ministrations leave Jennette with a distorted self-image and a set of unhealthy coping behaviors. In her efforts to make Jennette conform to entertainment-industry beauty standards, Mom doesn’t just instill in Jennette a deep-seated insecurity about her looks—she also sets unrealistic goals that are impossible to meet. On top of this, Jennette has to process being repeatedly rejected from auditions because, despite all the beauty treatments, she gets feedback that her looks are “homely” rather than “ethereal.” This constant pressure to live up to aspirational beauty standards contributes to Jennette’s development of an eating disorder and a disgust with her own body. This also tanks her self-esteem and creates discomfort with her own sexuality. After her first real, off-camera kiss, Jennette is repulsed rather than excited by her body’s arousal. Through her candid narrative, McCurdy highlights the disturbing toll societal beauty standards can take, not just on an individual’s mental health and self-esteem but also on their physical well-being. 

Personal growth and healing can be achieved through hard work.

In her memoir, Jennette McCurdy’s quest for healing serves as a testament to the transformative power of hard work and perseverance. Once Jennette decides to face her bulimia and body-image issues, she demonstrates resilience and determination, especially when she discovers that the path to recovery is full of setbacks. By the time Jennette turns 26, she has made huge progress, but her relationship with food is still distorted. However, even though she experiences setbacks, such as purging on what should be a fun birthday trip to Disneyland, she doesn’t give up. Knowing that Mom’s life was defined by her relationship with food, Jennette decides she won’t let that happen to her and is determined to get better. Through therapy, self-reflection, and a willingness to confront difficult truths, Jennette finds her way toward self-discovery and healing. Jennette’s story underscores the idea that, although personal growth is not easy, the rewards of this hard work are profound, leading to a deeper understanding of oneself and a greater sense of personal freedom.

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