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Nick struggles to recognize his growing sexual attraction to Charlie. To his classmates, Nick conforms to their stereotypical ideas of masculinity because of his gender presentation, appearance, and interests. They base these ideas on superficial facts, such as his calling people “mate” and playing rugby, but Nick proves that he’s more complex than his peers’ assumptions. For instance, he’s interested in beauty, using a fountain pen because he likes the way it makes his handwriting look. He’s thoughtful and meticulous, taking three hours to bake the cheesecake his grandmother likes and lovingly caring for his older dog Nellie.
Through his friendship with Charlie, Nick also begins to question assumptions he’s had about himself, and his growing attraction to another boy causes him to rethink what he wants and who he is. While Charlie has a conscious understanding of his own sexuality that Nick lacks, Nick is better at acting upon his feelings, even though they are at first incomprehensible to him. For example, he invites Charlie to join the rugby team, asks him to come over to his house, loans Charlie his hoodie, and wraps him in a blanket after they play in the snow. He also reaches out to Charlie after rescuing him from Ben’s sexual assault. All of these actions lead to a deepening intimacy between the two boys and to a dawning awareness in Nick that his feelings for Charlie are romantic. Though he does not yet have the words to express his discoveries about himself, his actions show Charlie that he likes him romantically. Nick also shows himself that he’s different than the world imagines.
