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Summary
Part Two, from “It’s so hot outside...” to “...fills me up”
Content Warning: The below contains references to self-harm and drug use.
Charlie uses the computer at the library to research Ariel, and she learns that Ariel’s son died alone in Brooklyn from a combination of drugs and alcohol. Charlie feels sorry for Ariel and for herself due to her loss of Ellis, and she wonders how her own mother feels about her. Mikey stops by to say goodbye and to give her some phone numbers before he leaves. At True Grit’s dishwashing station, Riley pushes Charlie’s sleeves up over her arms, perhaps because he wants to get a better look at her scars, and perhaps because he thinks she’s uncomfortable in the hot kitchen. He sighs at how badly she has hurt herself, but he demands that she be herself and wear short sleeves from now on. Charlie’s first paycheck is much smaller than she expected, and Tanner, her coworker, is sympathetic. To stop herself from panicking, she takes the long way home and visits the house of a woman who has turned found objects and plants into an art installation. Charlie feels she wants that life for herself.
Riley gives Charlie some money and asks her to buy him drugs from his dealer. His request reminds her of the times Evan and Ellis asked her to help them get drugs or cover up bad behavior. A dangerous-looking man greets her at the drug dealer’s door, and a world-weary woman named Wendy, Riley’s dealer, brings the drugs, disappointed that Charlie isn’t Riley. Back at home, Charlie feels a mixture of excitement and despair in repeating old patterns. Instead of using her cutting kit, she buys a little wine off a desperate neighbor. Buying drugs for Riley becomes a pattern, and the secrecy of it makes it harder for her to open up to Linus and Tanner. One day, on her way to Riley’s, she gets caught in a Tucson monsoon. When she arrives at Riley’s, he gives her a towel, clothes, and a blanket, and she tells him about being homeless.
On a day soon after, Riley shows up at Charlie’s room. He brings her some short-sleeved shirts and an artsy postcard because he saw her at the library looking at art books. Even though he has been drinking, and she knows she shouldn’t do it, they have sex and Riley stays overnight. The next morning they go looking for the keys Riley had drunkenly lost the night before. When they find them at a bar, Charlie notices the keychain is a souvenir from Iceland, one of the places Charlie and Ellis had dreamed of visiting. Riley had gone there on tour with his band. That day is Charlie’s first day at work in short sleeves, but Riley makes sure nobody makes her feel uncomfortable. That night, after waiting for him to come to her apartment despite not having made plans, Charlie gives up and goes to him. He asks her to get him more drugs and tells her he is writing songs again, working with his guitar and a four-track. Charlie knows he’s been making music because sometimes on her way back with the drugs, she stops and listens from outside his house. Charlie starts drawing her neighbors, non-white laborers whose lives are spent building things and cleaning up after others. Talking to them after work, Charlie relates to them and sees their humanity, and they appreciate making a connection with her by seeing themselves through her eyes.
Analysis
Charlie might be young, but her history with addiction means that she understands Riley’s coded language when he asks her to get him drugs. Despite the fact that Charlie remembers DannyBoy’s helpless drooling, Evan’s desperate need, and Ellis’s degradation, she cannot say no to Riley. She makes herself his accomplice because, as with her other friends, she is desperate to be loved. The decision forces her to seal herself off from emotion because she knows that it jeopardizes her recovery and puts Riley in danger, but her sense of familiar, intense excitement overpowers her feelings of numbness and guilt. She hopes that getting Riley drugs will result in an intimate, sexual relationship, perhaps even love, which could encourage him to see her as more than a means to feed his addiction. But, as Charlie’s personal history indicates, this outcome is unlikely.
Charlie confides in Riley more easily than she had in Mikey, and this is evidence of the fundamental differences in the two relationships. Recovering from his own addiction, starting a new relationship, and working a job he loves, Mikey recognizes that Charlie represents the old life he wants to leave behind. While he wants her to stay safe and sober, getting too close to her could threaten his progress and independence. Charlie senses his hesitation, which makes it difficult for her to talk to him about her life. By contrast, Riley sees Charlie as useful. Everything that he gives her either serves his own ends or is stolen from someone else. In the throes of addiction, Riley is looking for someone who can help him engage in bad habits, and he doesn’t worry that he might lead Charlie to backslide. By taking up Charlie’s time and mental energy to help him feed his addiction, he prevents her from spending her resources on her art and on building healthy relationships. By establishing this pattern, Riley seals her inside the vicious cycle she does not yet know how to escape. In return, he gives her loveless sex, food, and stolen cash, which cost him nothing yet threaten the foundations of Charlie’s new life.
When Charlie learns about Ariel’s success as an artist and the devastating loss of her son, she sees Ariel and her work in a new light. Both Charlie and Ariel are the product of many years’ lived experience, not all of it positive. Ariel’s pictures are indeed dark and sad, but they also contain a glimmer of light that is trying to find its way out. Charlie is surprised to realize that other people, even those who are relatively successful, have painful pasts with which they struggle to cope. She begins to see herself as having a positive future, as evidenced when she looks at the found-object sculptures and imagines herself as a creator and artist, despite her current difficulties. This understanding leads Charlie to wonder about her mother’s feelings regarding their relationship, her hospitalization, and her new life in Tucson. This is the beginning of a new level of empathy and a deeper understanding of personal growth, a powerful and soothing way forward for Charlie.
